Is something wrong with me?

I never felt this lonely before..

How could I get this feeling?

I am a wife, a mother of two toddlers  (imagine the noises of giggles and cries)..

I live with the in-laws, my parents’ house is near, yet I feel so alone.

Why is that?

I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I got no one to hold on to.. to tell stories as they are, without the fear of being judged (or should I say misjudged).

It’s funny how life could appear better when it felt worse.

It’s funny to think you got all the love in the world when the ones you love the most are actually against you.. because they change, more mature, more responsible….less care.

It’s funny to feel the urge to go to the psychiatrist when you smile a lot and keep believing that you’re happy.

It’s the kids that helps me to ignore this feeling..and for them, I am eternally grateful. I love them so much, I could die.

And this funny feeling taught me, to not lean on anyone (not your parent, not your spouse, no one at all) but The Most Merciful Allah :’)

For He sees, for He knows, for He is the one who truly understand you..better than yourself.

Be strong, Elwiena..you got kids to take care of.. Be a strong tower for them, they need you :’)